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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087140">I bleed just to drown you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird'>smaragdbird</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, POV Poe Dameron, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rape as Torture, Self-Defense, Torture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:41:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/smaragdbird/pseuds/smaragdbird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Following TFA with everyone longing for the light and peace to be restored. Poe is left with half of the resistance on one planet. After all he was a commander now. When the resistance hears of a first order ship within their vicinity, they respond, only to find a few survivors unguarded and left for dead. A few resistance fighters go in, all end up dead, except for Poe who ends up in the clutches of a thought dead Kylo Ren. Kylo recognizes that Poe is a childhood friend, but that hardly saves him from the abuse/torture Kylo uses to break the pilot</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>The Kylo|Ben x Poe Fanworks Exchange 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I bleed just to drown you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Voice_Lost_In_The_Wind/gifts">A_Voice_Lost_In_The_Wind</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Poe was no stranger to pain, especially since his interrogation on the Finalizer when they had skilfully pulled his body apart again and again until Kylo Ren had ripped his thoughts from his head. This was worse. There was no skill, only anger and frustration and the truth written all over a maskless face.</p><p>Ben’s face.</p><p>“Give me the codes!” He demanded, driving his fist into Poe’s stomach again.</p><p>“Going for the classics, huh, Ben?” Poe coughed. His arms were strung above his head and his hands had gone numb ages ago. How long had it been? The rotation of this planet was longer than standard, 32 hours and the news about the crashed First Order ship had come early in the morning.</p><p>It had been foolish to investigate without precautions but how could he have known that Kylo Ren was onboard? This morning the Resistance outpost on this planet had counted 27 people. Now only Poe was left and he didn’t know for how long.</p><p>“Don’t call me that!” The scar on his face was new and so was the long hair. It had been short the last time they had seen each other face to face, save for the braid hanging over Ben’s shoulder. The anger, though, the uncontrolled, blind fury, that was old. It was a small wonder Ben hadn’t taken out his lightsabre yet and cut him to pieces.</p><p>Then again, he needed Poe alive to give him the codes for the transmission frequency. Without it, he’d be stranded until someone decided to investigate. But given the Resistance’s policy of giving up on outposts that did not respond for two cycles as overrun that was unlikely.</p><p>Poe tasted blood, spat it out and grinned. He would die but he could make sure that Ben died here with him. Crait was a salt-desert with no drinkable water and even less food. “What’s up, Ben? Can’t rip the codes from my head?”</p><p>In front of him, Ben’s eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared as his hand reached out and Poe felt a pull or a push, it was hard to describe, glancing off. It hurt, everything Ben did to him hurt, but this pain, too, was familiar. It wasn’t like last time either when his worry about BB8 had given away where he had hidden the map. He wasn’t worried about the codes. Instead he thought about Ben, the Ben he had known, tried to find traces of him in the face in front of him and wondered where it had all gone so terribly wrong.</p><p>Ben closed his eyes and Poe could feel him push against his mind, deeper and deeper only to find more memories of them, children playing among ruins, teenagers getting into trouble for staying out too long. It felt as if ben’s outstretched hand was digging through his brain, pulling memories apart bit by bit to find what he was looking for. But Ben was grimacing as if this was hurting him too and when he pulled back, Poe saw a trail of blood coming from his nose that he quickly wiped away.</p><p>They looked at each other, both of them breathing harshly, when Ben said, “Give m the codes and I will let you live.”</p><p>Poe snorted. “Come on, Ben, you killed dozens of people for little to no reason. I don’t give a nerf’s ass about your promises.”</p><p>Knowing that the punch was coming, didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when Ben drove his fist once more into Poe’s stomach. He coughed, the taste of more blood filling his mouth while Ben leaned in close and whispered into his ear, “Pain was never something your feared, was it Poe? If anything, you like a bit of pain, to ‘spice things up’.”</p><p>An angry Ben Poe could deal with but this cool, collected voice sent shivers down his spine.</p><p>“I wonder”, Ben continued, lips brushing Poe’s ear, “Where the line between pleasure and pain lies for you?” The fist on Poe’s stomach opened and his hand splayed over his skin, large and terrifying, slowly brushing downwards over his abdomen. It gripped the waistband of Poe’s trousers and ripped them off in a quick and violent motion, leaving him bare to ben’s gaze. The looked that followed wasn’t one that Poe was a stranger to but given the situation, it made his insides feel like they were filled with ice.</p><p>“Don’t do this.”</p><p>“Why not?” Ben’s eyes met his without hesitation. He clearly felt no shame about this situation, had no reason to stop. “I’ve always wanted to, you know?” He raised his other hand to Poe’s face, long fingers caressing his face without affection behind the gesture. </p><p>“Ben…”</p><p>“Give me the codes”, Ben replied, “Give them to me and all of this will be over.”</p><p>It was a tempting offer but one Poe would never take. He had given so much to the fight against the First Order, what was one more sacrifice?</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>“I knew you wouldn’t”, Ben whispered once more into his ear before pressing kisses along his neck, before his hands roamed and groped Poe’s body as if he had a right to him. Poe stared ahead, stared at the dead faces of his fallen comrades, of the mangled bodies of the First Order personnel that had not survived the crash.</p><p>Against his thigh he could feel the outline of Ben’s hard cock, could hear his harsh breathing in his ear as Ben rubbed it against him. It was as if he was only a plaything to be moved at Ben’s pleasure. </p><p>“No, that won’t do”, Ben decided, voice petulant like this was some sort of game. Poe suddenly felt his arms being unhooked from their position above his head without Ben even touching him and found himself on his hands and knees without seeing how he got there. As numb as his arms were, they gave in underneath him and he was down on his elbows. Something cut into his palm, deep enough so he could feel it.</p><p>“That’s better.” Behind him, he heard clothes rustling and knew what was happening without seeing it. Ben’s hands were warm as they gripped his hips and pulled him backwards, his hard cock sliding between Poe’s thighs. </p><p>Nausea twisted his stomach. This was so much worse than the pain, so much worse than anything that had ever happened to him. “Please”, he heard himself whisper, but Ben didn’t stop, didn’t given any acknowledgement that he had heard Poe at all.</p><p>His cock caught on the rim of Poe’s hole and Poe knew what he was going to do. Desperately he tried to find something to distract himself from what was happening to him when he noticed the blood on his hands.</p><p>Shards of the shuttle’s transparisteel window, he realised and then noticed that one of those within reach was big enough to use. An idea formed in his head. He remembered his failed attempt on Jakku but this time he was closer, much closer. And it wasn’t as if he could make the situation any worse.</p><p>He gripped the shard tightly in his hand. It bit into his palm but he the blood and the pain, knowing he would only have one chance at this if even that.</p><p>“I know what you’re doing”, Ben told him, leaning over him his chest against Poe’s back. “But I won’t let you distract yourself. You’ll watch me. You’ll think of me. Only me.” His hand was on Poe’s shoulder and as he pulled, Poe went with the motion, hands gripping the shard tightly as he slashed upwards.</p><p>Their eyes met and the look of surprise told Poe his plan had worked before the blood on Ben’s throat did. A trickle, a torrent of red and Ben fell backwards, hands clutching uselessly at his slit throat while Poe watched him. It was not a pretty sight, he gasped, gurgled and convulsed as he ought against his death.</p><p>Poe took no pleasure in it, no satisfaction as he watched the man who had tortured him, the boy who had been his best friend, die. </p><p>When it was finally over, Poe gathered enough strength to close his eyes, smearing blood all over Ben’s face as he did. He looked peaceful though, younger too, as if a heavy burden had been taken from him. Poe gave himself a moment to cry. Out of pain, out of grief, out of relief. </p><p>The bright Crait sun dried his tears as he staggered back to base.</p>
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